15 Things I Wish I Would Have Known Before Divorce (3 of 3)

If you are just joining me for this post you should begin by checking out the first post of this series The 15 Things I Wish I Would Have Known Before Divorce. 

And then check out the second post of the series 15 Things I Wish I Would Have Known Before Divorce (Part 2)

 I know that I am a horrible blogger because I often forget to publish or even completely write out the posts for my blog, I do hope that when I do they are impactful and meaningful to those of you that do take the time to read them.

So... Continuing onward with this series. This may be the finally of my series on marriage, but I am sure that it will be a topic that comes up again in the future. 

11. Stand up for your opinions and learn to fight with your spouse

I like to remember that what I believe in is worth fighting for. Even when it is completely opposite to what your significant other believes. "Fight" isn't always the right word for everyone to use in this situation, but it is the best way for me explain how passionate I am about expressing your opinion to your spouse. The one thing that I wish I would have had most in my failed marriage was a wife who would fight with me. A strong woman who told me when I was wrong and really believed in it. 

Too often my opinions would run over my spouse, mostly because we didn't know how to fight. We were both so conflict adverse that we would avoid fighting over things that we really believed in just because we thought the other didn't like fighting. I've come to learn that I love to fight. I love to argue. I love to debate what I believe and why I believe it, and the real kicker is that I want to hear from my significant other the things that they are passionate about, believe in, and what means so much to them they are willing to ruffle a few feathers.

Bonus: Fighting can become a fun thing. You will learn more about each other by having little mini arguments about different things, which can lead to deeper intimacy because you become more attracted to your spouse as your realize how they are unique and beautiful in every way they are different from you.

12. Say "Thank you" to all of their compliments

This might be the hardest piece of personal advice for me to follow. I struggle with self esteem because of a past of being let down by people I loved. I always want to discount compliments because I really don't believe that they are true. Well.... that is just stupid! The honest truth is I need to say "Thank you!" more often. I've noticed that not only do i get more compliments when I say thank you each and everytime, but I slowly start to believe what people are telling me. 

As a couple we struggled believing the things that we said to each other. This wasn't because the compliments weren't true. It was because the compliments were absolutely true in the eyes of our spouse, but we weren't ready to say thank you and accept them.

Every spouse needs to hear that they are liked, loved and beautiful. Saying thank you will help this need to fulfilled more quickly.

Bonus: You become happier as your self image improves, and you will notice that people are more willing to give you compliments in the future.


13. You're never "too right" to learn from what your spouse has to say

I often failed at listening to my spouse when I thought I was right. I may have been right, I must have been wrong most of the time too. I failed by not learning from her point of view, when I thought I had the solution and the right answer to "fix" the problem.

I should have listened more, talked less, and used everything that my wife said to me when I was right was just an expression of who she was and what she believed in. If I would have listened to her rather than decide that I was right about things, I would have been more attracted to the beautiful unique individual that she was created to be.

14. Do things with other people your age

I can't say enough about having friends. I realize looking back that I was a Lone Ranger husband. I spent all of my time with my wife or our families. We rarely spent time socializing with other people except coworkers. We were missing out. Being married doesn't prohibit you from having fun, going to a ball game, or staying out late. It just changes who you share those memories with.

Bonus: Nights out on the town often lead to nights at home alone after.

15. Always promise forever...And keep that promise

This is the most important point I have about marriage. Marriage is hard. It is ugly. It makes you want to pull your hair out. But, it is also one of the most beautiful creations of God. How intricately he designed us to work together, and compliment one another. But the real truth of it is, marriage isn't about love, it isn't about attraction, it isn't even about making life easier. Marriage is about commitment. When you stand on the alter before men and before God you are making a commitment to honor and love this person despite every way they hurt you in the next 75 years.

So my challenge is this. If you aren't married remember that this is a forever commitment. Surround yourself with people who believe the same thing and are willing to do everything it takes to help you be successful.

If you are going to get married, go into it with the mindset that I am going to love this person everyday, all day, and I am going to continue to dedicate my whole life to them. I am no longer going to live my life selfishly, but rather, I am going to live my life to take care of my spouse.

Bonus: If you dedicate you marriage to God before men, it makes it harder to justify breaking the promise. Also if you do make marriage a lifelong commitment you will never end up going through the pain and suffering of a divorce.